free

Ever felt like you were trudging through sludge
every step harder than the last
only to feel like you’ve gotten nowhere?

I undertstand obedience and knowledge
and knew and practiced all the “right” things to do.
But still felt like the brown goo encompassing my shoes
would never let me run
…or be free.

If you visit me here often,
you’ve noticed that I’ve been gone for awhile.
The sludge got too deep
and my strength and determination
found their limit.

I could not go any further on the knowledge that I had
or the self determination I had lived on, breathed on and depended upon.
I had holes in my heart from lack of peace
…lack of rest
…lack of stillness.

There were sacks weighing down my steps
sacks made out of self-determination, the desire to control, the need to understand
sacks filled with unforgiveness, bitterness, resentment and selfish desires
and with each step, I longed to cut the weight from my feet
but not a clue where to get the scissors I needed to get through such thick rope.

Until I fell to my face
waved my white towel
and surrendered.

I surrendered my entitlement to revenge
giving up the right I believed I had to hold accountable
those who had hurt me.
Instead leaving it to Grace to cover my offender, just as it has covered me.

I surrendered my right to understand and control
giving up the demand to know where I am going
or how I am going to get there.
Instead trusting the only One who really has control or can get me to where I need to go.

I surrendered my self-determination, my self-reliance, my self-sufficiency
giving up my own selfish desires, my ideas of what is best for me, my dreams.
Instead being filled with the abundance of peace, adventure and rest that comes from getting to know my tender and strong Savior.

And in surrender,
the sacks
have been cast
far from my feet
…and I am free.

Galatians 5:1
It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.

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