faithful

I used to think I was faithful.

I followed the rules, stayed within the lines and even tried to encourage those around me to do the same.

And then I took a step.

A step of faith that required my full dependence on God alone.

And I thought He would answer.

And give me what I wanted.

Fulfill all the dreams I had been dreaming.

So I waited.

Figured since I had been so faithful to follow His rules, my dreams had to be what He was dreaming for me.

And I waited some more.

And as I waited, I realized that I was much more dependent upon my own ability to discern what God wants than I was on God.

On His character.

His sovreignty.

His ability.

His willingness to love me so much that He tolerates my tantrums just to see me grow through circumstances only He could put into place.

And although I am much of the time confused and all the time humbled, I am in awe at the God I have fallen in love with in the process of waiting on Him alone.

In awe of His goodness, His mercy, His kindness.

And if I never get to do anything else in this life but know Him more…

…I am so grateful.

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