A couple of months ago I was talking to God about the fact that I am passionate about Him and wanted whatever He wanted to do in my life, even if it meant that I was completely outside my comfort zone (you can read about it here).
Shortly after that conversation, I was presented with the opportunity to do some work for a friend that I could both do at home and do at night which was perfect as not to interfere with hanging with my kids during the day. I was ecstatic. After talking with Keith, I excitedly accepted the opportunity and worked hard to learn how to do the job – and hoped to do it well.
Over time I have come across only one stumbling block with regards to this opportunity…most weeknights I only get about 3-5 hours of sleep.
And I have realized that God does not necessarily provide externally what we expect Him to…but that it is the internal that He is most concerned with reshaping.
The thing is, with only a few hours of sleep every night, I must depend upon Him for everything. Because in my frail and flesh and bone body, I just don’t have it.
Most days I do not have the energy, patience or self-control to conquer my day, much less be any kind of adequate reflection of Jesus’ love, mercy and compassion.
But He does.
And I believe He has given me this opportunity not only for the financial provision it is, but also for the physical and emotional surrender it requires from me daily to depend upon His strength to be mighty in my weakness. To be so filled with His Word and reciting it constantly that I am encouraged that although my body may be tired, my mind is protected.
Most days I am reminded of my inadequate ability to take on the day, but I can be joyful because I know this is God’s plan for me right now….and His plan never lacks His provision. His provision is always there…I just have to seek it, believe it and depend upon it.
2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
…and on those few days when I feel like I have hit a wall, those are the days that God has worked it out for Keith to be home from work early and lets me take a nap – like I said, He always provides…