Probably one of my biggest life challenges is this, I find it almost impossible to be still. I think I have an odd addiction to success…or at least completion. So when things are in a lull and I have a few minutes to breathe and be still, I have a really hard time doing so. I begin to think about the next task, the next project, the next slot of time, the next list to make…..
We went to Cracker Barrell tonight (I know, not a great place with regards to my 5lbs) and afterwards, we sat outside and Keith taught Kaitlyn and Dylan how to play checkers while Samantha and I sat in multiple rocking chairs to see who could rock the fastest, yelling “SCORE” after each (not really sure what it was that we were competing for, but very fun nonetheless). It was freezing cold outside and I’m not a fan of the cold, but as I rocked in one of the chairs, I looked at each of my family and prayed “Sweet Jesus, please do not let me forget this night.” So many nights like that come and go and I know the cumulative of them all creates a memory of life as our kids grow up, but I wanted to remember that one moment, because for that split second, my soul was still. And for me, that stillness is not common.
God’s teaching me a lot about trust lately. About trusting Him when nothing is obvious and my next steps are all but apparent. He is teaching me to trust when I am not able to plan the next step or declare I am going to accomplish the next task…and actually accomplish it. He is teaching me to be still and know that He is God (Psalm 46:10) – and to trust Him instead with the next task, the next project, the next….
I am learning (slowly) that striving is not what God desires. He only desires that I sit at His feet as Mary did and listen. Not to figure it all out, just to listen and hear His voice…
…I know the plans I have for you…. (Jer 29:11)
…I have fearfully and wonderfully made you…. (Ps139:14)
…Come, sit….listen… (Luke 10:39)
…I rejoice over you with great gladness… (Zeph 3:17)
My heart’s desire is to cease striving and know that He is God. To breathe in those still moments when I watch my family and my soul rests…and that for that moment, the need to strive ceases.