So, over the past few I’ve been in a funk of sorts. I’ve tried to redirect my “funkiness” to things I love (my Keith) or am thankful for (veterans) – but ultimately those were addressing the symptoms of my funk…not the funk itself.
I shared my funkiness with Keith last night (as if he didn’t notice) and started in on all the things I’d change about my life and how I just didn’t feel “fulfilled” and that I wanted to be “doing” more – ultimately concluding that others in my life are living out their “dreams” and doing exciting things while I’m left at home to spring clean in November and be consumed with how to get the things I wanted to get done, but only being allotted small blocks of time in between taking the kids to/from school, cooking and putting away toys.
He smiled and said something I tell Kaitlyn and Dylan all the time: “and who do you need to worry about?”
I chuckled knowing that most of the things I say to my kids on a regular basis can oftentimes be applied to my own life – but at that moment not really wanting to hear his “encouragement”. Honestly, I wanted him to wallow with me – tell me I was right and that I should live a “bigger” life. But, as I should have expected, he didn’t wallow with me (he never does) and in his regular fashion, he made a huge point with just a few words.
This morning while I was at the gym I was reflecting on the root cause of my funk and a couple of main things came to mind:
1. I’ve been spending my “free” time reading twitter and facebook. Both great social avenues for keeping up with others and communicating when done so in moderate doses (just like anything else in life…moderation is key, right?). But also great ways to see others’ lives through a pinhole instead of with a broad perspective and “making up” the rest.
2. I’ve been watching those facebook/twitter (and “making up the rest”) and comparing my life to others who seem to have “superstar” lives of great adventure and purpose. As a result, letting my mind wander to places it doesn’t belong since my life is simple and at times declared by me as “small”.
So, I’ve decided to bag facebook and twitter for awhile and work on my focus. Realizing that the two main focus points I need never stray away from are these:
1. Focus on God, not man. I don’t want to be like other people, I want to be more like Christ. So, I should be spending more time “researching” what God is like instead of “researching” what others are like. Whatever I spend the bulk of my time studying is that which I will become.
2. Focus on what God’s called me to do right now, today. My life may very well be “small”…but it’s important…at least to four other people. I have an enormous influence on how the days of four other people go – for better or worse. I have the opportunity to create an environment where four other people always feel welcome, loved and safe – or a place where other things are seemingly more important to me than they are. I have the chance to build up four other people – or tear them down. I can choose to send them off on their days with joy and confidence – or with grief and discouragement.
Changing the world starts with changing one person. I have a captive audience of three small people into which I can pour light or I can pour darkness…it’s my choice.
My heart’s desire is to be faithful with what has been placed in my hands. Not what’s been placed in other people’s hands or what I think might be placed in my hands later. But what’s in my hands…right now, today and leave what might be there tomorrow up to God.