like a child

I’m in awe of my daughter, Kaitlyn
and all that she is teaching me about trust.

I listen to her pray for breakfast
thanking God for already knowing
the house He’s chosen for us.

It never crosses her mind
not to believe He’s got it covered
and that she doesn’t have to worry
about anything.

My heart skips a beat when I hear her pray
because I’m so grateful
that a heart so pure
is lifting our family to God.

trust

I always love a great testimony
of how God showed up in the most unexpected way
and He got all the glory
through a seemingly impossible situation.

 

I have a testimony like that
…it just hasn’t happened quite yet.

 

We put our house on the market early last year
believing God would sell it
claiming it
declaring it.

 

And He did sell it…356 days later.

 

A few weeks ago,
we signed a contract
started a fast
and began claiming giant things
and waiting for God to show up.

 

We had our own plans
our own ideas
our own dreams.
And every door we tried to walk through has closed
Every opportunity has fallen through.

 

And in the process
we have been frustrated
confused
discouraged…

 

but not defeated.

 

You see, I know I can’t make God’s will happen
and as much as I don’t like waiting
I never want to look back and see God behind me hoping
instead of in front of me leading.

 

Next week we close on a house
that we’ve lived in longer than any other house
and God has yet to open the door to the next house
we will call home.

 

And although not having a plan I can see with my eyes
makes me uncomfortable

 

God has used every step to teach me
He is worthy to be trusted
and I need not be afraid.

 

Psalm 121
1 I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

3 He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;

4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.

5 The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;

6 the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.

7 The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;

8 the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.

faith

I always thought I had it

Because I believed God could do anything.

 

But then my faith was tested

When He didn’t seem to be doing anything.

 

And I realized that my faith has been based upon what

I could see God doing

Instead of His promise of who He is.

 

And although I still can’t see what He’s doing

I rest assured that

He was

He is

He will always be.

 

I love You God

thank You for asking me to trust You

even when I can’t see You.

 

Hebrews 11:6

And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.

wanting God’s best

I have a huge desire to please God and do whatever He wants. But sometimes I don’t know what that is. And I can find myself so focused on trying to figure out exactly what it is that God wants me to do, that I forget to focus on HIM.

This morning, I found myself in that situation. We’re having to make some big decisions for our family and I want to do whatever it is God wants me to do.

But I know I’m not always really good at discerning what it is that He wants.

And this morning I realized that I had gotten so focused on making a decision, that I got distracted from my Chief Decision Maker – the One who can help me make good decisions…as well as keep me from making bad decisions out of ignorance or foolishness.

So, I stopped thinking (which is a very tough thing for me) and I started singing praises to God and worshipping who He is (or better put, making a joyful noise).

And I am amazed at how clarity has set in and how the decisions became so much easier. All the dust settled and I could see what should be done next and what next steps He wants me to take.

I realized that I am not responsible for making things happen, I am only responsible for seeking the One that is – and being obedient to whatever step He tells me to take next.

I was reading Joel Osteen’s blog and came across this prayer which resonated in my heart, reminding me that He’s got a perfect plan, I need just make my desire known and let Him take over.

“God, this is what I want. I’d love for things to go this way. You know what’s in my heart. If this is not Your best for me, God I’m fine with it because I know You have something better in store!”

reminders

When I started a fast 14 days ago, I put these six post-it notes on my mirror with scriptures I thought I might want to refer to from time to time during the fast.

Instead they have become promises upon which I know I can place my hope as I walk – what seems to be blindly most days - seeking God and hoping for His will in our life.

I am so thankful for God’s promises (and sticky-notes).

The verses are…

Isaiah 58:11
The LORD will guide you always;
       he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
       and will strengthen your frame.
       You will be like a well-watered garden,
       like a spring whose waters never fail.

Isaiah 33:6
He is your constant source of stability.
He abundantly provides safety and great wisdom to all who fear Him.

Psalm 32:8
I wil instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
I will counsel you and watch over you.

Psalm 28:7
The Lord is my strength and my shield
My heart trusts in Him, and I am helped.
My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to Him in song.

Ephesians 3:20-21
Now unto Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above and beyond all I can think or imagine according to the power that is working inside of me. To Him be all the glory now and forever in Christ Jesus.

Psalm 62-:1-2
My soul finds rest in God alone,
my salvation come from Him.
He alone is my Rock and my Salvation.
He is my Fortress, I will never be shaken.

calling

There have been seasons in my life when I have wondered about my calling
What is it that God has put me on this earth to do?

And although, for me, what God calls me to do externally varies
His calling for the way I treat others, never changes…

Ephesians 4:1-3

As a prisoner for the Lord, then,

I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received.

Be completely humble and gentle;

be patient, bearing with one another in love.

Make every effort to keep theunity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.

consider joy

James 1:2
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds

Regardless of what we face
or how massive the destruction in our life may be
there is still a reason for joy.

Not because of who we are as individuals
but because of who we are in Christ.

But we will have to consider it…we will have to choose it.

We have to stay focused on the fact that God is more powerful
than even the massive devastation of an earthquake.

Stay focused on the joy that comes from the hope in Christ Jesus alone.

James 1:3-4 continues with…
“because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

God does not want us to be lacking anything.

So, as you continue to fast and pray, know that you can be joyful
because of who you are in Christ Jesus.

But it will be something you have to consider
…something you have to choose.

Psalm 28:7
The LORD is my strength and my shield;
my heart trusts in him, and I am helped.
My heart leaps for joy
and I will give thanks to him in song.

I know

Lord, get my eyes off of me

and onto You alone.

 

For I know…

You love me

You are sovreign

I can trust You.

 

…even when I don’t understand You.

 

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart;
do not depend on your own understanding.
Seek his will in all you do,
and he will show you which path to take.

Wait Expectantly

God is not standing over you with wooden spoon soaked in organic vegetable broth waiting for you to eat something not on “the list” so He can smack it out of your hand.

Instead, He’s standing next to you smiling and whispering “oh, the things I want to show you”. He’s cheering you on with His angels, excited that you’ve made a choice to free up some space in your day some space in your heart…
so that He can fill you up.

So, get ready,

wait expectantly,

be listening,

…for God wants to tell you marvelous and wondrous things that you could never figure out on your own (Jeremiah 33:3 TheMessage)

God is gracious, not legalistic.

He wants your heart, not your ingredient list.

And though fasting is about self-discipline and sacrifice.

It is not about self-loathing and condemnation.

Don’t let the enemy convince you that you have failed if you have a moment of weakness (or ignorance) and break one of the “rules”.

God wants you to keep going,

seeking Him,

pressing in,

not approaching Him with fear or timidity,

but with boldness and expectancy,

knowing that we will receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need (Hebrews 4:16 NIV).

You may have already begun to see the things God is longing to show you,

He may have already started answering your prayers.

For our God is a sweet and abundant God, never wanting to withhold any good thing from His children (Psalm 84:11 NASB).

And oh how he sees the desire of your heart to seek Him and how it brings Him great delight.

You’ve got this

I’m not quite sure why You do it
but You just keep on pouring out Your love on me.

I cannot comprehend Your love
or why it never stops.

Especially on those days when I focus on something else
and set You in the background shadows of my thoughts.

You never leave me.

And when I stop long enough to feel You breathe Your warmth on me
I am reminded…

You sent Your one and only Son to die for me
…surely You’ve got this too.

rest

In moments when there seems to be a tornado of thoughts
swirling through my head,
and I cannot seem to wrap my arms around them
or create complete sentences when I try to explain them out loud.

And the only thing that brings stillness amidst the frenzy is praise…
it always does.

My soul finds rest in God alone;
my salvation comes from him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation;
He is my fortress, I will never be shaken.

Psalm 62:1-2

walk

To walk with God, hand in hand
looking to Him in everything I do.

To know His Word so well that I can recall it
and apply it to every situation we (me and God) face.

To feel His everlasting arms around me,
holding me when I need comfort
and kissing my forehead when I need peace.

To look into His eyes knowing that He sees my heart
and feels my emotions
without ever exchanging a word.

Lord Jesus, You are the love of my life
Teach me about you
Let me sit quietly at Your feet and listen
to Your words,
drowning in Your infinite wisdom and love.

As I was looking through some old journals, I came across this that I had written on 7/12/1999. Oh how God has been faithful to walk with me and never let me go.

He never does

Keith and I began a 21-day Daniel’s Fast yesterday. It’s the first one that he and I are doing together and doing completely. We have both done other fasts before, but we’ve never been on the same exact page with regards to what we were fasting, nor have we ever been so determined to not having any self-decided “loop holes” in what we were going to fast.

And yesterday was terrible for me.

The headache seemed relentless at times, making my stomach turn and my vision blurry.

Like many, I love coffee…but I don’t know that I knew how much I loved it. I don’t drink alot of it, but I drink one very large, very strong cup every morning, complete with yummy creamer and sugar.

Some days, it is actually what I look forward to as I get up out of bed before everyone else. It’s like my “treat” as I sit down, open my Bible and have coffee with my Jesus.

So, yesterday I was in survival mode knowing that if I could just get through the day, I knew the headache would subside and I’d be ok.

And although today is better without the headache, I’m becoming very aware of how addicted I apparently am to caffeine and how that cup of coffee in the mornings jump starts my day.

I love how God uses even the smallest details such as the energy I lack because of my absense of caffeine to remind me how big He really is…

I get overwhelmed
…He never does

I get confused
…He never does

I lose focus and get distracted
…He never does

I get tired and want to give up
…He never does

I get grumpy and selfish
…He never does

So, although I am not yet enjoying the fast physically, I love how God is already revealing to me how weak I really am…and how that’s exactly how He wants me so that His strength can be proved perfect.

i am not enough

I started out a bit arrogant,

thinking “I’ve got this”

and went on my way.

 

Only to realize quickly

that I do not yet possess the faith

or the strength

or the wisdom

for a season such as this.

 

So, I bow all of me to Him

and ask for forgiveness

for even thinking I could do any of this on my own.

Reminding myself that I am nothing without Him

and His grace is sufficient.

 

Oh how grateful I am that His strength

is made perfect in my weakness

and His love and forgiveness never fail.

 

2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

I’m ready

For the fast….well, no…but to see God do some miraculous things in the life of my family at home and my family at church – absolutely!

To be honest, the thought of doing a fast makes my stomach turn – literally. I’m not much of a cook and the recipes for a fast such as the Daniel’s Fast seem to be long and filled with ingredients I’m not even sure where to purchase.

But like most things in this journey I get to walk with God, getting to see Him do great things often times takes me right out of my comfort zone and right to His feet, where my full dependence on Him is required.

This fast is no different for me.

After reading Jentezen Franklin’s book Fasting, I’ve discovered what the Bible says about how necessary fasting is for me to see the same kind of power displayed in my life as was displayed in the lives of some of my heroes like Moses, Joseph and Daniel.

And I want God’s power to be displayed in my life.

I long for clarity.

I long for financial prosperity.

I long for my kids to be set free from strongholds.

I long for my marriage to be taken to yet another level.

I long to feel the breath of God on my face.

I long for nothing – not even hunger – to distract me from the instructions God is waiting to give me.

I know that God is good. And that He’s waiting on me to let fasting clear out some cobwebs in my spirit, so that I can see Him more clearly.

And although there is still some anxiety looming over the execution of such a fast, I have equipped myself with the best resources possible and will leave the rest to God.

I’m ready!

(I had the sweet opportunity to write a post on my Pastor’s wife’s blog a few days ago and thought I would share it with you. In a few days, our church family will be beginning a fast to start off 2010 and the suggested reading is the book Fasting by Jentezen Franklin)

another perfect prayer

God sometimes breathes on me in the most unexpected ways – my heart is set upon this prayer becoming one of my own.

 

O God whose will conquers all,

There is no comfort in anything

apart from enjoying thee

and being engaged in they service;

Thou are All in all, and all enjoyments are what to me

thou makest them, and no more.

I am well please with thy will, whatever it is,

or should be in all respects,

And if thou bidst me decide for myself in any affair

I would choose to refer all to thee,

for thou art infinitely wise and cannot do amiss,

as I am in danger of doing.

I rejoice to think that all things are at thy disposal,

and it delights me to leave them there…

I can of myself do nothing to glorify thy blessed name,

but I can through grace cheerfully surrender soul and body to thee.

 

– From The Valley of Vision: A Collection of Puritan Prayers and Devotion

still

Lord, I am so grateful
That You made me sit down
And be still before You.

For if You had allowed me to keep the pace
at which I am so accustomed to keeping
I would have missed it
when You kissed me on my cheek.

If You had continued to answer my prayers
for mighty miracles
I would have missed the victory in hearing
Your still small voice.

I would have sunk
in the anxiety of not understanding
instead of rejoicing at Your sovreignty
in all of my details.

I would have continued to focus only on
seeing You move mightly before me
instead of realizing that You
are walking so closely along side of me.

For I know You are quite capable
of marvelous works beyond my comprehension

But now I also know of the glory
that comes with walking hand-in-hand beside You.

my prayer for 2010

Lord, I’m Yours.

Whatever the cost may be,
may Your will be done in my life.

I realize I’m not here on earth
to do my own thing,
or to seek my own fulfillment
or my own glory.

I’m not here to indulge my desires,
to increase my possessions,
to impress people,
to be popular,
to prove I’m somebody important,
or to promote myself.

I’m not here even to be relevant or successful by human standards.

I’m here to please You.

 

 

I have prayed this prayer often over the years, but never made it my priority.

This year is different.

 

 

taken from 31 Days of Praise by Ruth Myers

Let it snow!

We woke up this morning to another 4 inches of snow, what an amazing way to end the year…

 

Dylan snowtubing

 

 

Samantha making snow angels

 

 

Dylan, Samantha, Kate & Kaitlyn hanging out

 

 

The snowman making extravaganza…

December traditions

I was just talking to my mom today about how December seems to just come and go without even a blink! I tend to start the month with great intentions to send cards, bake lots of (easy) goodies and get in touch with old friends. But alas, it’s almost New Year’s Eve and I neglected to do most of those things.

December is one of my favorite months though because it is filled with family traditions.

Here are a few of ours…

Early in December, all the Cowell girls go to the “Christmas Sweets”. We all get dressed up in our fancy dresses and spend the afternoon eating sweet treats and listening to beautiful Christmas carols at a local church. Here are me and my girls getting ready to go and the girls and their cousins…

 

This year on Christmas Eve, we spent the morning at Keith’s parents house, eating yummy treats and opening gifts with his family…

I have very creative sister-in-laws who always come up with the most amazing gift ideas for the grandparents. This year we had all the grandkids put painted footprints on a canvas with Psalm 119:105 painted in the middle “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path” …it turned out beautifully…

 

On Christmas day after opening our gifts and spending the morning together, we usually head up to Maryland to spend a week with my mom, sister and her family. But this year we treated ourselves to coming up on Christmas Eve so the kids could all open presents together…

 

One of the most fun things I remember as a kid is a sing-along that we had every year after Christmas. My sister has continued that tradition at her house. It always includes my Uncle Jeff playing the piano…

 

And the “12 Days of Christmas”, complete with hand motions…

 

Once the Christmas festivities are over and we still have time to relax and enjoy each other, my sister always comes up with a home improvement project for Keith and my brother-in-law to tackle while we’re here and the guys always have such a blast.

 

Here they are taking out a brick “stoop” in front of the fireplace…

 

 

As excited as I am about 2010 and all the “new” traditions we may make, I am so grateful for all the family and fun times we’ve been given this December.